I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
