Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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