I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
