I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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