I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
