My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
