you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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