I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
