We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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