i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
