there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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