dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
