I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
