I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
