okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
