And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
