a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
