it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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