Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
