i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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