Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So many bounce houses so little time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
