hotel room ftw
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
