I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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