i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
