Define "chronic" masturbator.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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