Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
