when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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