I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
