I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
