the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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