I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
