R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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