He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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