It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
