ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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