Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
