put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
