so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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