ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
