Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
