It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
