why didn't you poke me back
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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