Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
