My room smells like vodka and shame
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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