My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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