Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
