Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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