I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
