The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
