I have demons in me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
