had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
