My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
