Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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