ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
