yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize