I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
