I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize