Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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