I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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