If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
