I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
