Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
