so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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