So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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