Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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