Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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