Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
