he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
