Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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