I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
