the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"